๐Ÿ”HEWV

๐Ÿ”HEWV

@hewv

Followers404
Following1.7K

๐Ÿ” Comedian ๐Ÿ” Podcaster ๐Ÿ” Ghostwriter ๐Ÿ” Journalist ๐Ÿ” Chef ๐Ÿ” Mountain Climber ๐Ÿ” Inventor ๐Ÿ” Olympian ๐Ÿ” Astronaut ๐Ÿ” And Habitual Liar #CHEESEBURGER #BLM

Where the jokes are. Joketown.
Joined on August 26, 2012
Statistics

We looked inside some of the tweets by @hewv and here's what we found interesting.

Inside 100 Tweets

Time between tweets:
43 minutes
Average replies
3
Average retweets
4
Average likes
38
Tweets with photos
26 / 100
Tweets with videos
0 / 100
Tweets with links
0 / 100
BIG secret messages in this one. Rats beware. https://t.co/86gzyMU1st https://t.co/3yJflYC9gA

BIG secret messages in this one. Rats beware. https://t.co/86gzyMU1st https://t.co/3yJflYC9gA

I found another hidden message. Who are these mysterious lion people? https://t.co/jvblG5UBGO https://t.co/GONutSLiWu

I found another hidden message. Who are these mysterious lion people? https://t.co/jvblG5UBGO https://t.co/GONutSLiWu

If a lumberjack is someone who cuts down lumber, then a flapjack is someone who cuts down flaps. And apparently this is so impressive that someone else named pancakes after them.

You ever get the strange urge to go drive to the nearest beach cave and fart in it? I feel like this is some primal instinct coded into my junk DNA.

if i had a $999 dollars and a time machine, i would go back 7 years and pay James Gandolfini on cameo to record my voicemail message telling people to go fuck themselves for not texting me instead

Quoted @Poulsbonaut

HOODSPORTโ€”Lonely Vietnam Vet Sometimes Wishes There Actually Was a Charlie in the Trees https://t.co/k8hiNRY8Vi

HOODSPORTโ€”Lonely Vietnam Vet Sometimes Wishes There Actually Was a Charlie in the Trees https://t.co/k8hiNRY8Vi

Hahaha holy shit. https://t.co/aRRwpmKQin

Scientologists have been getting really mad about fake-ass pseudoscientology.

we're eating green eggs and ham because that's all the food bank had this week, sam

the mandalorian [on television]: i can bring you in warm or i can bring you in cold hot pocket [leaning over to wife]: why not both?

I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup onto my car. 

Now everyone waves at me. https://t.co/DsUpPDtJKR

I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup onto my car. Now everyone waves at me. https://t.co/DsUpPDtJKR

one day, i hope i can become a metal monolith

I'm going to make a movie where there's a constant booming soundtrack and all of the dialogue is spoken in whispers so you're always turning the volume up and down. Oh and there will be a lot of dialogue. We're talking Sorkinesque levels of dialogue.

๐Ÿ”HEWV
11 hours ago

If I get reincarnated and I don't come back as a cool dog, then I'm gonna seriously have words with whoever is in charge.

๐Ÿ”HEWV
12 hours ago

Use cases of the word "petulant" on Twitter, based on my extensive analysis: 1% Someone's shitty boss 2% Rudy Giuliani 6% A child, an actual child 91% Donald Trump

Look at the marbling on this vegan steak. https://t.co/HcRPctsDw4

Look at the marbling on this vegan steak. https://t.co/HcRPctsDw4

๐Ÿ”HEWV
12 hours ago

Is Megan Thee Stallone related to Sylvester Thee Stallone?

[wedding] priest: do you have the ring me as best man: no itโ€™s on silent

๐Ÿ”HEWV
15 hours ago

History will not look kindly upon 2020's weed profiteers who made loads of cash during a time of national weed crisis.

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