FRO VO

Cop: you’re under arrest for speeding Me: you can’t arrest me i have resigned from driving

Kidney stones? Hard pass

HER: How much do you know about toilets? ME: I've read many books on them.

barry white: hello forest whitaker: hi barry te: what the-

Sorry I armed a group of theoretical physicists with Sharpies and set them loose in your glass pane warehouse

wtf — what the fuck ftw — fuck the world/for the win tfw — that feeling when wft — who fried this fwt — fried what though twf — this wasn’t fried

Coworker: ugh i hate autocorrect Me: do do i

when i die bury me with airpods and put my “liked songs” playlist on shuffle forever (in case ghosts can hear things)

due to overwhelming demand (one person) i have made an art account so if you want to see a daily dumb drawing follow @fro_vo_pix

Reporter: let's talk about your mittens Bernie: https://t.co/d9FuBNFllK

Population of Twitter: 1. People making jokes 2. People reporting news 3. People taking all jokes literally and all news as lies

[heaven] Angel: we are sending you back to earth Me: yay Angel: but as a ghost Me: boo Angel: that's the spirit

hi if you like this you might also like this https://t.co/gWB4QMoKwo

https://t.co/ssenKcWfdg https://t.co/N3QyXGBkWT

[middle ages] King: my soldiers should wear suits that is more protective Queen: *are more King: babe that is brilliant

Larry King is survived by his son Burger

Why use 2 A's in the name Aaron? Why not 17? What's stopping us?

it could have been an email https://t.co/JRs3aBPnix